drawings(Probably, but I'm too melodramatic to say otherwise)

Hey Reader,

Can you believe it? I haven't spoken to you since last year.

No, but really. I didn't even get to send my love for Halloween, Thanksgiving, the holidays, and the New Year.

But it was with good reason. It's all because of this:

For context, Mrs. Vahl and I have been married for the past 5 years (and some change) now. But we never got to have the ceremony where we celebrated with all of our friends and family.

Fast forward to an amazing night on November 30, 2024, combined with a ton of prep beforehand and some wind-down time after.

It also led to another project: my wedding vows.

I always knew what I wanted to say as my vows to Mrs. Vahl. Vows that came from the heart were a big part of this ceremony. After all, it's the very words expressing a special love between two souls.

Because they were deeply personal, we agreed the vows would be exchanged privately when the time came.

After I wrote my draft, a damning internal voice echoed as I examined and revised each sentence numerous times. "It needed to be better," I finally told myself.

Thus, that idea got tossed out the window of a room on the twentieth floor.

(But then I realized that was the only draft of my vows. So I scurried twenty floors down, hoping a swarm of pigeons or a stampede of footsteps didn't yet ravage it to shreds.)

The idea of it being better turned to more of a tangible vision where it couldn't be a sheet of paper By saying it needed to be better, I imagined whatever I would provide her goes beyond being a sheet of paper with genuine, intimate words.

Then, two songs passed by my ears back to back. And it triggered an image of a story in my head.

And then I went, "Hey, wait a minute. I write stories."

So I wrote. I wrote a full short story that turned into a novella that encompassed my wedding vows to my wife. The end rounded off with a collage of photos centered around the lyrics of our song.

But the day I wanted to have it ready –the day of our wedding– was, well, not ready. For numerous reasons.

Mainly...could you imagine writing a story for your significant other, and they go, "This is nice, but have you checked your grammar? Where's the plot? And the inconsistencies with your characters are all over the place"?

Complete and utter nightmare. While I was disappointed over this shortcoming, I wanted to make this story something worth reading - whether it was now, a month from now, ten years from now or any point in time.

It took time, but the work was worth it. About two weeks ago, I was finally adding the finishing touches to the book.

"You're going to have it in your hands soon," I told Mrs. Vahl over the phone. I think I called her mainly to let her know about this. It's hard to contain your excitement when making something for that particular someone.

"Does it have your drawings?" she asked.

"My...my drawings?" I tilted my head at the question. "I don't draw."

"No, you do draw. I've seen it."

Then I remembered how I make these crude doodles occasionally.

"Oh. but you've seen them, I'm not good at drawing," I said. I do not consider them drawings, let alone good drawings. Here's an example:

Plus, I was uncertain of whether or not I could succeed in terms of book quality with these crude doodles.

"I like your drawings..." She said. And she lowered her tone too by a micro-pitch. It's that kind where maybe you don't register it unless you've been with that person for a while to even catch it. A long while.

"It'll be done," I assured her before we ended the phone call. This wasn't being done out of reluctance, but necessity. I suddenly knew the drawings I never really paid mind to were deeply cared for by someone I deeply cared about. What kind of husband would I be if I couldn't provide something that brought this much joy to her?

I added another two weeks to conceptualizing something that made sense with the involvement of these pictures.

With that, the book was finally delivered to her hands earlier this week.

Was it worth it? Or should I have just stuck to the conventional vow so that I could have at least delivered on exchanging our vows the night before the wedding?

All I have to say is... hearing her say this book felt like looking into a part of her from another perspective –my literal intended goal was injecting a part of myself in that book– was enough of a success. Even to describe it as success was an understatement.

At one point, I was going to make at least the written part of this book visible to others. I have nothing to hide, and there's certainly nothing to hide in my love for this gem of a woman.

But, after seeing the level of her reaction to this book, her passion...some things are just meant to be kept as something personal.

What I do have the free pleasure of conducting is sharing two of my favorite prose in this book, and another two of what could have been better (aka 'what was I smoking?')

First, the 'what was I smoking?' parts:

All there was to do other than wait was let the swing sway side to side and reflect on the memories of the boy’s life before. Being raised from birth to adulthood, searching for self-worth through excitement, accomplishment and risk. To experience the different variants of sunny weather his native land had to offer. And, at the same time, imagining what the crunch of leaves would feel like underneath his feet or the softness of a snowball molded by his hands. A true idea of what the rest of the world contained beyond his reach.

And

Other memories were more intimate. Such as the hot days when they worked on building their home. Or sitting in front of a silver screen that played a series of moving images. It told a story portraying a range of emotions. Some were thrilling and enigmatic. Others were hilarious, or tragic, or terrifying.

Next, my favorite parts:

The stranger didn’t respond for some time.

“There’s still a chance,” the boy continued. A declaration moreso to himself.

The unshaken stoicism on his face shrank into an emotion that made the boy’s eyes tremble at the sight of it: despair.

And

An emerald, green dress fashioned her silhouette. It hugged snugly around the curves of her body as if it were a part of her fair skin. A glance at her dark eyes revealed a sense of gentleness in her soul, overlaid by an enigmatic itch to learn more. There were the other smaller details like the soft crescent out of her polite smile. The single dimple on her other cheek. The seamless direction of her hair. The way her calves flexed, then softened, with each step. And the curvature of each finger brushing past strands of her dark hair. There was this odd obsession over recognizing every line that shaped her nose, lips, and more. To be met with all these details at once exceeded every familiar overwhelming sensation. Nonetheless, he was elated to be met with such a welcoming sight.

That's where I'll conclude this *rather long* email. The latter end of 2024 has been a lot, as I'm sure it has been for many others.

If you had a good year, I'm happy for you. Truly. You deserve a time to be happy. We deserve that to thrive and grow as people.

What about if the year was a handful of mistakes? Then we, if we're willing to recognize it, also deserve the time to grow and learn from those mistakes.

By next email, I'd like to share what's happened since October of last year (and give some shout-outs where they are most deserved). Happy belated Halloween, Thanksgiving, Holidays and New Year.

As always, shoot me a reply on what you've been up to. It's nice to have a small chat after having been away for so long again.

Until next time!
~Victor Vahl
​www.victorvahl.com​

P.S. Many from around the world, including myself, could only watch and hear the horrors that went on recently with the wildfires ravaging Los Angeles. I'm not the most reliable source of how to help, but I would like to do whatever I can to help by circulating this post that includes a list of bookshops with mutual aid drives and support for booksellers/librarians impacted by the LA fires. If you were affected, or if you have been kept in the loop of the best ways to donate currently, do let me know. Be safe.